the world breaks everyone

today is father's day in the u.s and even here in g.b i can't escape it. my roommates have spent the past few days buying cards and this afternoon chatting to their fathers back home. this day is always a rough one for me, and the weeks leading up to it don't make it any easier. the tube is plastered with ads reminding me to buy my dad a tie or a set of golf clubs, two things he never would have used anyway. harrod's is full of deals on father-esque things, such as button down shirts and cuff links.

my father wasn't a cuff link kind of guy. he dressed simply on a daily basis, levi 501s and t-shirts, leather jackets and motorcycle boots. for causal events, it was dockers and italian button down shirts and boat shoes. dressing up meant a simple, classic italian suit. ties were reserved for only the most formal occasions. and no matter what was happening, he always smelled of ralph lauren and molboro cigarettes and a little bit like salami.

i miss him a lot today. perhaps it's because it's father's day, and in my father-less state i am feeling sorry for myself. maybe it's just the home-sickness getting to me. but there is something about being in the land of soccer and bread and red wine that makes me feel so close to him that it aches. i want so badly to buy him a chelsea football club hat and to watch him wear it until it wears out, and then fix it and wear it some more. i want to call him and ask him how to take the train from naples to lamezia. i want to ask him where i should go in vienna. i want him to go to vienna with me.

i ate a salami sandwich with havarti on good bread for him today. i figured it was a worthwhile tribute, although i will never master the art of making a sandwich like my dad did.

i have a lot of unanswered questions for my dad; questions about his childhood and my childhood and what is going on in iran how to change a flat tire and how to make stew. i am afraid that returning to his homeland cannot answer these questions for me. but, perhaps it can bring me a little closer to a man i didn't have for quite long enough.